um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Rumble strips road head = magical
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
