the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Randomize
