I think I died a long time ago.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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