Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
