Your tits are I can't wait for
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
