i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
thus making me awesome and them whores
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
