I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
