For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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