Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
