i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
