I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I am naked and annoyed.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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