no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
