Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
