Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
People in love make me want to vomit
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
