Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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