It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
