he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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