I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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