Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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