He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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