Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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