So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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