From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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