I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
