I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
