Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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