Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My Higher Power is John Stamos
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
