So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
