worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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