***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
