I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
