i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We talked him into tasing himself.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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