wakey wakey hands off snakey
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
