I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
