I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
