he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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