I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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