i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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