I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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