There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
