A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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