Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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