Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
