So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Randomize