spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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