Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
