I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
