he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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