somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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