Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
