I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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