do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont even know how to be here
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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