Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
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