shes about as inviting as chlamydia
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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