How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
