She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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