i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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