Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
