The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
