you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
