so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think my moral compass just broke
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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