idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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