Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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