went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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