well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
