I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
