Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
