Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize