i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize