Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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