i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
