god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize