i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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